Ticket to hell

As my nephew would say, my ticket to hell has been signed, sealed, stamped, and shipped 2nd day air. Not bad enough for overnight, or worse, same day delivery, but bad enough all the same. I just lied to an ancient old woman with the Alter Society at church. When I said I'd do volunteer work, I said fine to the Alter Society. I thought I can certainly show up and fix the alter up for services. I guess that isn't what it is. I think what it is is the old ladies club at church. This sweet, sweet, sweet old lady called and said they meet once a month for a fun filled hour in church to recite the rosary followed by a bag lunch. Now, just pretend for a second that I don't have a clue how to recite the rosary. I know it's something about the stations of the cross, and the Our Father and Hail Mary (I think), but I've never done it. I was born Catholic. Been one all of my life. Not only have I never recited the rosary, at least in my current memory, but I've never done the confession thing (only now it's called reconciliation). I was supposed to the week before confirmation. It's kind of a requirement, but I "forgot". Even bad Catholics are supposed to do it around the Easter season, but nope, not going to happen. I'd have to do some really serious shit to go there. I've been assured (by my kid for one) that it's a really nice, touchy feely, sit face to face with the priest, and talk about anything that might be bothering you, and your love for Jesus (which I seriously buy into and believe), but nope, not for me. The old ladies still like the box, and every Saturday, they're lined up. Anyway, this is my confession and I don't have to feel so much guilt because I can confess without looking anyone in the face.