Full Panic Mode

The test that will complete this journey is scheduled to be taken on Thursday. This weekend I pulled out the review book just to brush up on things I haven't seen in a while. The list of stuff I don't know is a mile long, and it is unreasonable that I'll learn them in the next three days. I did a practice test and instead of the usual 70-75% right, I scored a 60. I'm going to be in deep shit. Bummer.

I hope this isn't a sign...

Is it a bad sign that the first patient I cared for as a nurse died 12 hours later, especially since I said a quiet prayer that she would? Cancer is a mean, hard, cold, heartless bitch. Godspeed.

Authorization to Test

Got that today. Went online and scheduled my test date for January 3 @ 10:15am. Now I'm pretty nervous. I should do OK. Gotta keep my confidence up! I'm through with hospital orientation and will start my floor orientation tomorrow. I'll be working 8hr days for the first week, and then go to 12 hour days after that. After a while, they'll put me on nights which is what I was hired to work. I'm cool with nights, but I hope I get used to it pretty quick. I get tired by 10:00, so this is going to be a real adjustment.

I get so amazed by the various jobs all of the people I've been blogging with all this time have decided on. We're doing PICU, school nursing, telemetry, ICU, Peds, ER, Med Surg, and of course, oncology. I felt funny yesterday, because the NCM from L&D came down yesterday, and she asked what I'd be doing. She'd asked me to come see her when I graduated, but I never considered it. I like the sick patients, and though seeing a baby being born is pretty much a miracle, I don't want to care for healthy patients. I want to take care of people who might want to just have someone hold their hand and listen to them when they tell you they're scared. I want the patient to know that when their bodies are racked with nausea from some shitty chemo, I'll keep bringing them bags to throw up in and antiemetics to try to help, plus maybe find a tasty snack to try to keep them nourished. I want to celebrate with them when they find out their screens and scans are clear, and help someone die with some respect and dignity when the scans aren't good, and we're at the end of the line for treatment options. i want their families to know there is someone who they can come to when their parent/spouse/sibling needs something and they don't know how to provide it. In other words, I CAN'T WAIT TO BE A NURSE!!!!!