Smiley face

I've been sick worrying about my pharm test. I made an 88 on the first one, and felt way less prepared for this one since it was extensively over the CNS drugs, but I made a 92!!! Happy, happy, joy, joy (thank you Ren and Stimpy)!! Another solid B effort in a nursing class. I've been an A student for so long, it's really hard for me to get over that I'm not one anymore. Talking with fellow students, I asked how many are waking up 3-4 times a night terrified that the alarm isn't going to go off and we'll oversleep. I was amazed that a ton of others are doing it too. Back to the grind, I've got a 10 chapter test in my regular Nursing class on Tuesday, and I haven't even started the study guide yet. No rest for the weary (or is it wicked? I qualify on both counts probably).

Why me?

As if my sad dog situation isn't enough, my hard drive fried. Again. For the second time in the space of two months. WTF??? My brother-in-law is a computer specialist. When the 1st hard drive fried (with everything I love on it), the BIL said, "No, don't buy one, I have an extra." Words to live by. When my husband installed the POS, I asked him where BIL got it. He didn't know, and BIL didn't tell him. I told the hub it was clicking like the other one did before it fried, but he said it was probably a fan. Then I read a newspaper article over the weekend that said if the hard drive is clicking, better get things backed up, cause it's dead or dying. I told the husband, and 5 days later, he still hadn't backed anything up, and since I wouldn't have a clue how to do that crap, I sure didn't. Well, death came knocking this evening. I went upstairs because I knew my hub was talking to his brother on his computer, and demanded to know where it came from. Apparently BIL doesn't remember where it came from, it was just in a box at his house. Turd brain didn't know if it was good or bad. Now my whole semester is gone. What a bitch. All of my court forms...GONE. All of my drug cards....GONE. All of my study guides....GONE. Shit. I need sugar, and I need it now. Since this is medicinal sugar, and not recreational sugar, I'm going to have to go out in the rain to get it. Shit.

Third time is the charm

This is the 3rd time I've been tagged for songs, so I'll do it. Since I don't know how to link, all the people I usually post on, do it too. There...............

1. Radio Cure - Wilco From Yankee Hotel Foxtrot..Just the best. I went to Bloomington to see them at Indiana University. Me and every college kid into alternative rock music at IU.

2. Leaving Home - The Beatles Sgt. Pepper...just so pretty and hopeful

3. Time Bomb - Old 97's Too Far to Care Kind of alt county, another one of my not mainstream finds, but the most CLEVER songwriting ever. I love everything they do, but this is the song that brought me to them, so I'm listing it.

4. The Question - (also) Old 97's I think Sattelite Rides, but not totally sure...the most romantic song ever, and my son said when he proposes to his wife, it will be done by singing this song to her.

5. Judgement of the Moon and Stars - Joni Mitchell For the Roses....another one I love every song on this CD, but if someone put a gun to my head, I'd choose this.

6. Love by the Dashboard Light - Meat Loaf Bat out of Hell....funniest song ever, ever done. I know every single word including the play by play of the baseball game.

7. Karma Police - Radiohead OK Computer....another band that I love every last note of their music, and in fact, it was hard to choose between this CD and The Bends. Very hard.

There you have it. Proof positive of my excellent taste in music. 7 songs isn't nearly enough.

Hangin' in there

I've just had the saddest day. I have pets. Lots and lots of pets. The queen of the crew is my dog Sammy. She is almost 16 years old, and for a chow mix, that is OLD. Really, really, really old. There is something called "Old Dog Vestibular Disturbance". It's particular to older dogs, and it starts with their eyes shooting back and forth and they behave like they're drunk or have had a stroke. With or without treatment and in about a week to a month, they recover like it never happend. My dog, of course, has been the exception. She's never gotten over it, but she's learned to cope better. Today was a relapse. A terrible relapse. She was going outside to tinkle, and fell down the brick steps and abraded the entire side of her mouth. This happened while I was at clinicals, and my husband had to go to work. I got home and went to let the dogs in, and she was falling down all over the place. I took her to the vet and he thinks maybe the diagnosis was wrong and she may have a brain tumor. He asked if I wanted him to do tests and I asked him if there was anything he could do about it. He said no, but he wanted me to have the option of finding out. I told him no, and brought her home. She's eating well, and drinking well, and goes outside to do her business. She is not having any more shots, or blood drawn, or x-rays, teeth cleanings, or tests. She can eat, drink, sleep, and get petted. That's it. When she doesn't enjoy eating anymore, then we'll pay the extra $100.00 for a house call, and the vet can put her to sleep. Period. The worst part was my husband didn't know I was home from clinicals yet, and left work to come check on her. When he started telling me about her falling this morning, he started crying. That makes twice today my heart was broken.

Haven't flunked out yet

Had my first big nursing test yesterday, and made a 92. This is of course, NOT an A. Not in nursing school land. Who cares? As a guy in the class ahead of me said, C=RN. I have done nothing but read for the last two days, and still didn't get it done. By the time I'd read about 40 pages, I decided to skim and only read what looks important and I STILL didn't get finished. That means I also barely looked at the math. Math......we have a quiz on it every week and we have to do all studying on our own time, and if we don't make at least a 90% on the test, we are OUT OF HERE!! Now, that said, the conversions and dosage calculations really aren't hard at all. I had most of that in chemistry. The problem is the syringes and labels and abrev. are all a foreign language to me and I have to know that too. I still feel like I'm faking everyone out as a competent person, and they're going to find out I'm an idiot and boot me out the door.

Fooled again

Well, I've managed to fake out the instructors another week. I'm still clueless and don't understand a damn thing. An instructor today was lecturing on various drugs, and all I heard was blah, blah, blah. BUT, I did get my highlighting done, so maybe I'll do well on the test. I got an 88 on the first one without having a clue, so who knows. Surely some of this is soaking in someplace.

Is it enough?

All of you who are close to graduation, help me out. The amount of required reading is escalating every semester. It seems all I am able to do is read. I'm not studying. I spent at least 6 hours today just to be current on reading for one class. That doesn't include the assignments in clinicals and pharmacology. I'm getting the gist of everything, but I don't feel like I'm getting any details. Is this going to be enough. One of the other SN called today and said she is overwhelmed. The reading is so massive, I don't even have time to look up the terms I'm not familiar with. I'm just really tired.

All about me, me, me and that's wrong, wrong, wrong

I'm feeliing pretty ashamed today. If anyone reads NurseBetty (cand), you know that on Tuesday morning, 30 minutes before leaving for class, her husband of 14 years told her he wants a divorce. My shame is that the minute I read it, after feeling like throwing up for a second, I let my own past experience gain the upper hand, and started advising. In my defense, since in the distant past, I had a similar experience, I wanted her to know the things I learned, and that I learned them by doing things wrong and paying dearly for it later. Later, when my life was a little more settled, I was pissed at myself for sitting around doing nothing waiting for all of this to just go away. It didn't go away, and eventually, I dealt with it. That will come to her if this doesn't resolve, but she doesn't need to hear that right now, and I gave it to her anyway. Betty, I am so sorry. I've thought about you so much for the last 24 hours, and you might just feel like grieving right now. Ignore what I wrote. If you want to cry and vent, then do that. You should and deserve to. You've been treated terribly, and have a perfect right to focus on that right now. You do whatever feels right to you and know that regardless, there are a bazillion people keeping you and your children in our thoughts. If and when the time comes, anything you need, just ask.

Ok, that said....my husband said my full time job is to do well in school. Studying is my career right now. If that is true, I would so be fired. If I got hired to study for 8 hours a day, I'd be the worst employee in the world. Does anyone find this as dry and boring as I do?

Get a life

I've heard that a million times, but it won't happen while you're in nursing school. I just read Student Nurse Jacks' blog. She is sick as a dog, but still dragged her ass to school. Isn't it ironic that a program training health proffesionals is the least tolerant of anyplace about absences? Got a sick kid? Tough shit. Got to go to court to help protect some abused kid? Tough shit. Got the flu and will infect every single person in your class? Tough shit for you and everyone else. We are allowed to miss 9.5 hours of clinicals. That's it. For the whole semester, and once you leave, you can't come back. If you go to the doctor, then go right on home, because as the program director said (in a sarcastic voice) "I'll just tell your patient, don't throw up right now, or fall out of bed, or deteriorate right this minute. Wait another hour or so and your nurse will be back. You can get sick then." This one really got me. We were doing skills, and I was in the first group to get checked out. The instructor said if we were done, we could leave. AFTER I left, she passed out homework assignments. Obviously, I didn't get it. When I said, "Hello, you passed them out AFTER you told me to go on home. What's up with that?" She admitted that is what happened, and then told me there was no makeup on homework, but she'd give me a copy of it and I could do it so I'll have it in case it shows up on a test. WTF!!!