I'm too lazy to blog

I'm not antisocial, or clinically depressed. I'm just lazy. I can't believe I've only posted two blogs this month. It's so weird that so many of us are graduating and becoming real nurses. Getting real jobs and doing real nurse stuff. We've all spent the last year or two propping each other up through this whole thing, and now there is a light at the end of the tunnel. When I start thinking I'm an idiot, I make a good grade on a test, or do well on a clinical assignment, and then I breath again. Someone asked me today if I was tired of school because I want to earn money, and I said that I haven't worked for a salary in several years, so that wasn't really the incentive. I'm just tired of the worry all of the time. The constant second guessing of am I going to make it. Am I doing a good job. Did I forget something, or some homework assignment, or are we going to have a quiz, or am I going to be late for clinical. That's what I'm tired of. I want to feel competent. I don't want to feel uneasy. I want to feel capable. I don't want to think about this anymore. I think at this point, that is as meaningful to me as actual nursing.

Spring is springing

There is a song in my heart. I just went outside to play with the dogs. I looked at one of the trees, and there are LEAVES!!! It's 75 degrees and perfect. Yes, I have Seasonal Anxiety Disorder. I wither in the winter, and don't feel alive until it's warm outside. My two favorite nephews are coming in a couple of weeks, and a month after that, we have a baseball vacation planned. We've gotten tickets to a Milwaukee Brewers game, and then a Chicago Cubs game. We're spending 3 days in each city. My sister and her boyfriend/life partner are meeting us. I'm so excited! School is going well, and all is right with the world. We just bought new patio furniture, and I've pruned the roses. I should start seeing the tulip and daffodils coming up any day now. I'm itching to go to the nursery to buy new flowers, but it's supposed to get cold again in a few days, so I'll hold out, but I know it's coming soon. It's my favorite time of the year, and I'm finally happy again!

I'm drowning

Clinicals were good last week. I'm taking care of multiple patients now. I'm becoming a legend for my IVs. I'm still at 100% on first stick. I had a 93yo with no veins at all last week, and thought my record would end, but nope, got it. I'm starting to feel kind of nursey like, but the assignments are killing me. I've got a case plan to do, an oral presentation, homework, a test, 100 NCLEX questions, and everything else all within the next week. My midterm evals went great, but we're losing out clinical instructor. The new one seems nice, but I'll miss the original. I was really excited to be in her group, and now she's leaving. I've also got a termination hearing for a CASA case that needs a court report from me by tomorrow, and my kid is having a meltdown, so instead of getting anything done this weekend, I drove to Nashville to try to prop him up for a while. We're doing our service project for Leadership Academy and graduation crap to do for Student Government. I want this over so I can have a normal life again. I feel like my volunteer cases are getting screwed because of school, but I have to prioritize. The director understands, but I still feel guilty. Oh well, I'll get over it.